Friday, December 23, 2005

''They came in and stole me," Damon said yesterday.

Are you kidding me? Those nimwits in that front office completely blow my mind. The Nation had a 2004 Championship team that has been traded off piece by piece. We are now down to 9 original players. Christ. If it's not broke don't fix it right? Not according to the powers that be. And now Mr. Baseball going to the Yankees? It just doesn't make sense.

"My message to Red Sox fans is I tried, I tried everything in my power to come back, but unfortunately, I know they're going to be upset," he said. Pedro said something similar... Manny wants out, threatening not to go to Spring Training if his demands aren't met, Wells wants out (let him go thank you very much), Epstein is already out. It's just chaos.

"I know what's going on in Boston. I know fans are upset and I'm sorry," Damon told WBZ television in Boston during an interview from his Florida home. "I tried to get their best offer and it just didn't materialize and I just have to thank them for the wonderful years."

"It wasn't even close," Damon said. "I might be an idiot, but I'm not stupid." That's debatable.

After learning the news of Damon's departure, I was angry, more than angry, more like livid. I almost burned my Damon shirt. I'm still undecided but now I have calmed down and I am coping. Lucchino should have been tad more agressive with this deal. It was the only thing that he had to work on. I really can't believe they let him go to the Yankees of all teams. But it sounds like Damon didn't give them much of a chance at a counter offer, we all know that he isn't the brightest bulb but to go to the New York? What was he thinking?

I quote my dad here...

"We'll have to see how things shake out...but I will say one thing...the Yankees in spite of their payroll being 40% more than the next closest team...hasn't won the World Series since 2000...so enough whining about Damon...he's gone...good riddins...I just hope he waits until he gets to NY to cut his greasy hair!" He has been a fan since the dark ages, refuses to buy a Red Sox t-shirt with a name on it because of the high turnover. It's business.

I quote my father even further...

"I wish I had a Red Sox-Yankees game ticket...I'd boo the bastar---! But that being said good riddins...he never washed his hair anyway...who knows what was in there...But you know what his numbers were way down in 2005 from 2004...so its not that big a deal...my predication...he will not have a great year with the Yankees...the Sox will land a better center fielder...there is a guy on Cleveland they are talking with...for shortstop..Alex Gonzalez of the Florida Marlins...he is very good...I don;t think Tejada will move from the Orioles...but I could be wrong...the Sox will have some extra cash now with Damon off the payroll...the Sox will land on their feet trust me...besides its not about the players...they are all selfish and greedy...they wouldn;t know what it was like to work a regular job like all us poor slobs anyway...its about the Boston Red Sox!"

Yes it's all about the Sox. We take the good, the bad and the ugly. So I start looking at some stats. Hmm... The Yankees will now have five of the AL's top 12 run-scorers in their lineup next season.

1. Alex Rodriguez 124
2. Derek Jeter 122
3. David Ortiz 119
4. Johnny Damon 117
5. Michael Young 114
6. Chone Figgins 113
7. Manny Ramirez 112
7. Mark Teixeira 112
9. Ichiro Suzuki 111
9. Grady Sizemore 111
11. Hideki Matsui 108
12. Gary Sheffield 104

I feel much better now. I'm going to get sick. Why? Why?! Why!!! I'm not thinking about that curse crap but what is going on here. 86 long years, only 28 of which I had to wait, and the World Series Trophy came to Boston and was paraded around all of New England. How could this new found glory be shattered so quickly? The Nation is in deed rearing from this news but we will prevail, somehow. It's not just the fact that Johnny did the unthinkable, back stabbing, rubbing of the wound in salt action to the Nation it's that damn rivalry continues. No one needs to be reminded that between 1919 and 2003, the Red Sox had no victories to the the Yankees 26 World Series championships. The one constant in the rivalry was that the Yankees always won in the end. According to the so-called "Curse of the Bambino," the Red Sox' streak of badness began when they sold Babe Ruth to the Yankees following the 1919 season. We gave the Bambino to them. I am certaintely not comparing Johnny's departure to Babe Ruth, they are totally different breeds in terms of stats. But how many players have we "lost" to the pinstripes? Don Mattingly, Wade Boggs and Roger Clemmens to name just a couple and they went on to do New York a great service and to help them win. We have negogiated a couple from them, David Wells, who crashed and burned for us last year and wants to be traded, Olrued, who has since retired. Who else? My mind is numb right now.

I'm a disgusted, disgruntled fan right now. If you don't want to play in Boston, get out of here! Good riddens!

Sunday, November 20, 2005

Dare to Dream

I hate to gripe, talk, discuss, or even think about money. It's evil.

Just got a bill in the mail from Pediatric Cardiologists for $1,300.00. The insurance that takes roughly 2 hundred dollars from my paycheck each pay period, 4 hundred a month thanks very much, did not cover my daughter's heart monitoring. Which I thought was completely ridiculous in the first place b/c everyone in my family including myself and my husband's mother had a murmur. I understood the visit to the cardiologist, the ultrasound, the EKG and that the doctor told us it was benign. But the 24 hour monitoring? Anyway, I am not a doctor and there was no way that I would forgo a medical procedure to ensure the health of my daughter. But the bill that ensued two months later stings. That amount may seem minimal to some, but for a smaller combined income for the DC Metro area and 45 days or so away from Christmas, it isn't to us.

For months I have contemplated acquiring a new job or a second job to supplement our income. I have been dissatisfied at my current position (for 2 years to be exact, incrediously, I know) and thought that it would be easier to leave the office than approach my sometimes, okay almost always unapproachable boss for a raise that I so need and that I am very deserving. A second job at night or on the weekends would cut into my family time and I've done the 2 job, 16 hour days, 7 days a week thing. I can hardly stand dropping off my 9 and a half month old off at daycare and being away from her for 8 hours as it is. Then I find out about 9 months ago that 2 legal assistants were given promotions based upon work that I have been doing for over 2 years. I spoke to a supervisor and she said there was no chance, not with our current budget issues and the fact that my husband is in the military and I could be leaving at anytime. The record skipped, errrrp! What? I can't get a promotion b/c my husband is in the military? I don't think so. Another 2 months go by and last Thursday I finally worked up enough courage and asked for my unit supervisor's help in obtaining my grade promotion. It went well, he said that he would do whatever he could. We'll see what happens but my patience with the job has already been wearing thin and I don't how long that I will wait. The government works slowly, which is an understatement, and if I don't have a person in power actively and aggressively fighting for me, I don't have a chance. And why do I want to keep subjecting myself to a overworked, underpaid, under utilized, uncreative and unstimulating environment?

I don't want to make it sound like we are struggling, by no means we are, but when a new baby comes into the picture and thoughts of college come to mind, saving every penny becomes very important. In the past I have wasted money on frivolous objects, lived paycheck to paycheck, happy go lucky. At one of my jobs, I would deposit roughly 1200 dollars every 6 or 7 days, if a holiday fell during that week, add another 4 to 5 hundred. What do I have to show for it? Well now with a husband and combined expenses, we have 2 car loans, my student loan and 2 credit cards with balances and rent. Not much left for recreation. I've revised the budget 6 times, factored in everything and now an unforeseen medical bill for $1,300.00 to go right back on the credit card that we just paid off. Ugh.

I have a couple ideas...

Last week, while I was performing my ritualistic scan of jobs, events, classes and pet sections on Craigslist.com, I came across an add offering a free facial by a Mary Kay representative. I emailed 2 of my friends and thought that it would be a fun Friday night activity to de-stress and get a nice glow for the upcoming holidays and best of all it was free! I knew "free" was out of the question, that the evening would be a product demonstration and eventually result in a purchase of one such product but we would leave with glowing faces right? Why not? So off we went, trekking our way into the District, eventually parking the car North of Georgetown next to the National Cathedral. It's stunning at night. Any who, we knock on April's door and the show began. Not much of a spa treatment and come to find out it's part numero uno of a 3 part series. Great... After I made my purchase, she asked if I would ever consider becoming a part of Mary Kay business. Unlimited earning potential, be your own boss, work at your own pace, possibilities are endless, and of course the pink Cadie. "Oh and these shoes that I am wearing, April quipped, Mmm, business expense." "When I visit my mother in Houston and decide to host a party? I write off the flight as a business expense of course." The leopard print shoes were cute and I have a great friend in Houston that I am dying to see. And I can go up to Massachusetts, visit with my family and hold a 2 our Mary Kay party and I can write all my travel expenses off? I can’t think of anything better than that. 50% off of products that I use everyday, but of course will be in Mary Kay boxes, can’t beat it. But, I'm not sure if I would ever drive a pink vehicle... Yeah, I think that I can deal with an unlimited earning potential. April showed us a magazine that all Mary Kay people receive and I looked at hundreds of names and the dollar figures associated with them. Extraordinary incomes. This one woman who has worked with Mary Kay for 2 years, made $118,000 last year. Yes, that's 2 ones followed by an 8, a comma, and then 3 zeros. Okay, she's definitely not laying on the coach, watching soaps and eating bon bons all day... One woman made $75,000 in one month. What? Excuse me? Oh and by the way, 12 to 15 hours a week is considered full-time. So I do a little research on this freaky option and find out that the dollar signs are not legitimate, you are pushed to keep product stocked, you have to attend meetings where dues are collected and best of all, you have to recruit new blood! Fake it until you make it is not my motto.

Option numero dos... A year and a half ago I was invited to a Silpada Designs jewelry show. I was in love. Silver jewelry that is to die for. I spoke with the representative at the party, she gave me some material and told me that she would give me a call a couple months after Lily was born. I kept that booklet in my purse for months and re-read it over and over again... She did call like she said that she would and left a message on my cell in April. I saved the message but never called her back. I am re-visiting the idea. 2 shows a week, 6-8 hours, roughly $1800 a month.

And the best for last... I've been doing some research on cake decorating. I love to cook and bake. Always looking up recipes for ideas and new flavors. I've made some "homemade" birthday cakes with my husband. Soccer ball, baseball, football field complete with action figures, a jumbo cake with a Red Sox inspired theme complete with a pair of socks spray-frosted in the center. But what about wedding/special occasion cakes? Am I creative enough? Well I got some books from the library last week and tonight I whipped up my first sample. My husband and I went to Michael's and bought two 6x2 rounds to try my hand at the craft. So I whipped up some Italian Meringue Butter cream frosting to which I added some melted white chocolate, all the while 2 small round Sour Cream Chocolate Cakes baked in the oven. Hopefully the first of many... It will take a lot of practice and my sample cake and frosting took about 2 hours to make and nothing is assembled right now. It's a 3 day process. Day 1: Bake the cakes. Day 2: Fill and frost. Day 3: Assemble. Tomorrow I'll cut the 2 cakes in half to make a 4 layer tier. I contemplated practicing with fondant, but after I looked at the amount of White Chocolate Butter cream that was produced, I'll save that skill for cake #2.

3 options, 3 businesses. What about teaching you ask? Well that's put on hold until my husband receives his orders and we will be permanently placed in a state long enough for me to take a certification test. I was going to take the Virginia Praxis in January. I like to jump on things right away, umm can be good or bad depending upon the situation, but that wouldn't make much sense if we are never to live in VA again. I have to do something, now, not later. I'm tired of hemming and hawing over ideas and not following through with them or talked out of them which has been the case 9 times out of 10. But then again, all the past events that were avoided and occurred, led up to where I am now with a wonderful life outside of work complete with a beautiful daughter and an amazing husband that I adore. No regrets... But I'm 28, I have a whole life-time ahead of me, I can falter a little and still come out on top or go back with the government. I'm not considering quitting my job (yet), these would be part-time options.

So I need to way the pros and cons of each one... I think that I already talked about the pros so here are the "cons." You need to invest into your business to take it off the ground right?

#1: Mary Kay. $100 for your starter kit and training materials. I have 2 more sessions with April to attend, she's harrassing my friend who showed her a little interest in becoming a rep... I'm sure there will be other trainings about make-up techniques and all other Mary Kay products. I can't see myself hosting parties, showing women how to put on make-up and wanting to drive a pink cadillac that is almost impossible to obtain. And I will become a certified stalker? No good. Not an option.

#2: Silpada. 4 options here. $199 for your starter kit, training materials and you can purchase up to 10 items from the catalogue at 50%. You need to be able to showcase the jewelry at the parties. The more items you have for the ladies to look at, the more likely they will buy. It's gorgeous stuff. On the higher end but excellent quality. Option 2 which I want to somehow be able to jump right into but impossible is the Business Builder Sign-Up kit. For $850 you get the $199 certification fee is discounted to $100, and you get 35 already selected pieces and then you can purchase anything else that you want at 50% off. Option 3 is a little more pricey at $1750. You pick out 50 pieces of jewelry, the Certification fee is waived and you can purchase additional items at 50% off. What a deal right? I don't even own 50 items of jewelry even if I broke them into individual pieces. I just need to find hosts for my shows. They get free jewelry depending upon how much their friends spend. Seems like a win win situation to me. My friend Amy in Houston already signed up for a show in February. Travel costs will be a business expense and I get to see my friend. This is definitely doable.

#3: Cake business. Practice, practice, practice, hours of standing before a hot oven, before a screaming stand mixer. Which of course I will need a Kitchen Aid with it's fancy but very functional and practical paddle and balloon whisk. The one I have now is a $30 jobby, totally functionable but smelled like it was about to blow up when I turned it on wicked fast. I'll explain. Out of the 5 settings, there are really only 2 speeds, fast and wicked fast. Baking is very precise. Ask my husband. He learned this past week. He tried his hand at making banana bread. When I reached for a glass and looked over and saw that he was piling all the ingredients on top of one another, like the recipe specified, I tried to explain the basic steps. Liquid ingredients are mixed together, and the dry ingredients in a separate bowl. So tonight I am whipping my eggs whites to soft peaks while simultaneously monitoring a boiling sugar syrup for it to read 250 degrees on the candy thermometer. Precision, precision, precision. But decorating is the fun part after the frosting is made and the cakes baked. In addition to $250 Kitchen Aid, I need all different sizes of aluminum baking pans, square, round, heart, bubble?, form boards, dowels to support the tiers, tons of butter and eggs and special cake flour, all purpose will never do... I'll need different size tips and learn the various techniques on how to use each tip shape. A heavy metal rolling pin for the fondant, a rotating cake stand for even frosting, metal cutters of various shapes to cut out marzipan decorations... 2 ovens, a walk-in freezer and/or refridgerator. Oh I should probably take a class or two. My list is never ending. Of course, I don't need all of this to start... Oh and a website, advertising...

So Mary Kay seems ridiculus. Silpada could work out if I want to make that initial investment. And when that one is successful enough and I am rolling in the dough, I can seriously consider cakes at a business level. Then when all the bills are paid and we have a ton of cash in savings, I can quit everything and be a humble high school teacher and a softball coach. My ultimate dream.

Phew something's gotta give here. I know I can make something work. Baby steps right?

Dare to Dream my friends. Dare to Dream...

Wednesday, October 12, 2005

Ugh, where does the time go?

I haven't posted since July, since July! I'm sorry for disappointing my fans, truly I am. Kidding. I'm not sure anyone reads this but it has been a great outlet, well for the few times that I have used it.

Well the 2005 baseball season has ended for me, coming to a screaching halt after a 3 game shut out thanks to the White Sox. After being on that winning high after last year's World Series Championship, basking in the spotlight, officemates giving me high fives and saying things like, "Well you guys pulled it off. The curse is reversed." No more chanting of "1918!" Or the infamous response, "1918 was a good year for us!" It's over. Done. I feel like I hit a brick wall. My sister called to tell me that she was watching a Red Sox documentary and had to shut it off b/c she felt sick to her stomach. I told her that's just a part of the healing process, we've been there before, the Nation will pick up the pieces and life will normalize again... someday...

1986 was the year that I jumped on the Red Sox bandwagon. I was 9, collecting and trading baseball cards with Dave Stidger. My father must been the influence because I'm sure the games were on that season when they won the AL Pennant. The next year I was able to complete the '87 team set, Wade Boggs, Don Mattingly... I started playing softball that summer, just as the season was starting up and I remember watching a few games with my dad on the couch, analyzing swings and throwing techniques. "See how those outfielders take a couple crow hops? That's all you need to do Erie, couple crow hops, to give you that extra power in your throw." "See his stance, feet shoulder width apart? Just have to keep that bat back, see the pitch, shift your weight from your back leg to your front leg, whip that bat around and BAM! You have to shift that weight Erie."

But since 1986, there was nothing for us, only the shadows of the Evil Empire. But were we really that bad? No sir! We had the bats, the talent, but something happened every game. I was starting to believe that maybe there was a curse, maybe there was something keeping us from the glory. We won World Series titles in 1903, the AL pennants in 1904, but the World Series was not played, again in 1912, 1915, 1916, and of course the last time in 1918. After a weary 30 years, we made it to the World Series in 1946, ultimately losing in 7. Two decades later we were back with avengence but not quite enough spunk to win in 1967 and 1975 but after battling for 7 games in each series. Heart ache. Heart break. It never stops. Then in 1978, who can forget ‘78. I was 18 months old and it is burned into my brain, the year of Bucky Dent's homerun losing to none other than the pinstripes. Do I even have to mention 1986??? Though it was the first year that the Red Sox existed for me, Bill Buckner will be a name that no one will ever forget. Game 6 against the Yankees and the man lets a trickle of a ball go through his legs. Even with a 3 run lead in game 7 2 days later, we still couldn’t pull it off and Buckner’s fate was sealed. The losing streak continues for more fun in 1988 and 1990. Our nemesis, the Yankees, with the ghost of Babe smiling down, laughing at us, got the better of us in 1999 and 2003. No one will forget the 2003 series. Johnny Damon and Jackson colliding out in center field in a game against the A’s. Just awful. What was Jackson doing in there back pedaling to the ball? Both players on the ground, no one getting up. Mueller runs out there and throws the ball in. And what about those those bench clearing innings. Pedro vs. Zimmer and then Pedro vs. Clemens. Zimmer charges the mound and Pedro slams the 70 year old to the ground. Complete and utter chaos. But what did anyone expect? Game 3, tied series for Christ’s sake, emotions are at the highest level that they could ever be. I’ll never forget watching game 3 at my brother’s, called my dad to see if he was watching, "What? Huh? I thought that they were playing tonight at 7. Jesus Christ. What happened?" John screams, "Clemens is old school dude. He doesn’t play around dude!" Fast ball shaves Manny off the plate. That was it, the Nation erupted, the flood gates opened. It was officially a war. But it wasn’t enough. Game 7, 11th inning, Wakefield at the mound, he releases his nuckle and Aaron Boone ends it with a homerun, the dream is dissolved, the Nation cries once again at it’s losses. Though there was never any blame placed on Wakefield, he did it himself and we saw his crushed pride. The entire Red Sox nation was crushed, hurt, confused, asking why? Why? WHY!?

2004. Grady Little was gone. Did he leave Wakefield in too long, did he not use Pedro enough in the series against the Yankees? Who knows. Terry Francona shows up, bringing along with him a born again Christian (?) of a pitcher Schilling. His positive energy and enthusiasm was a little nauseating at first, I even didn’t like the way he sort of talked about the Sox like he had been playing with the team for years. The bitter cold winters and the heartbreaking, gut wrenching losses hardened our souls. Who was this guy? But as fate would have it, the rays of sunshine burned through the overcast skies above all Red Sox fans that year. We played hard, partied hard, won some games, lost some games, and then with a wave of this magical wand, we got the Wild Card. Was it Babe or someone else up there giving us a break after all these years? No, it was the powerful bats of Ortiz and Manny, the quick feet of Johnny, the cool calm and collected Veritek, the amazing pitching ability of Pedro, Timlin, Foulke, Wakefield’s knuckle ball and Schilling when his ankle wasn’t gushing blood and when it was, Bellhorn, Mueller, Cabrera, Millar, Kapler, Mirabelli, everyone. Everything was coming together, we were playing as a team, as a winning team. Then another match of wits against the Yankees in October came. Can you believe this? Could we pull it off? Though the negative outlook was there with a new, almost annoying glimpse of positivity that we all started getting in to, but it slapped us in the face. Before we knew it, 3 games had passed and not one of which was a win against the Yankees. Game 1 we saw a blood soaked sock of Schilling’s, Game 2 we heard the chanting of "Who’s your daddy" in the house that Babe built. Here we go again. The angel on my left and the devil on my right battling it out. "Loosers." "We can do this!" "No we can’t, it’s the freakin Yankees and we are cursed." "Bullcrap!" Another loss in Game 3. Three losses in a row. Things needed to slow down. Then a rain out. My husband and I were married that day, October 15, 2004. The rain held out until the reception, Game 4 was post-poned until Saturday. Two worlds collided that day by marrying a Red Sox fan to a Yankees fan. The first time my dad met him he said, "What's up with the Yankees hat?" But after that night, the fate of the Red Sox 2004 season began to change though the realization did not come until later the next day.

Game 4... A-rod hits another shot over the Monster identical to the one the night before. It never ends. Can we catch a break or what? We sure can and we did... David Ortiz would hit a home run to win and to shake the confidence of Mariano Rivera, we had his numbah! And again in Game 5 Ortiz with a clutch single to win. What the h was going on? In utter disbelief, I couldn’t believe this was happening. There was this happy nervousness going into Game 6. Is this the year? Almost 6 hours of battling, Wakefield was able to redeem himself bringing us to the win. Nothing mattered after that. Nothing was going to stop us. I barely remember sweeping the Cardinals in the World Series, it was the post season against the Yankees that I will never forget, the World Series was just icing. Was it the marriage that broke the curse? I'm sure that we aren't the first couple of opposing sports teams to marry but we lost 3 in a row and then there was that rain out on Friday, October 15, 2004 and we ended up winning the next 4? It makes you wonder...

And then the defending World Champions are swept by the White Sox in 2005. How did this happen? What happened to the dream team? Well Pedro was bought by the Mets, some fans are angry that Foulke didn't get knee surgery, Schilling wasn't supposed to pitch for 18 months after his, Damon had shoulder issues towards the end, we got rid of Kapler, gave Boston native Bellhorn and Embree to the Yankees... The list goes on. We had a World Champion team and we got rid of it. Sure there are free agent issues and other particulars but c'mon. We could take each player and argue why he wasn't any good to us anymore but what about Cabrera? Has anyone been watching him play in the post season for Anaheim? Cripes sake.

But this year is over, it's in the past. We have to keep our heads held high and proud for next year.

Go Sox!

Saturday, July 30, 2005

New Adventures

I'm back!!!!!!! Sorry it has taken me so long to post. The weeks and days have just run into one another and before you know it, 2 months have passed. In this time, my baby girl has been baptized. We were able to make the trip up to Massachusetts so that she could be baptized in the same church as I and my brother and sister. She was 3 and a half months and my mom asked when she was going to be baptized. I couldn't believe that 3 months had gone by. So I started making calls to churches here in Virginia. It was awful, we had to register, become active parishioner, 3 month waiting period here, 6 months there. Isn't it about the innocent baby or just punishment for the parents' procrastination? Then I was thinking, why do I want her baptized in a random local parish here in VA that I have never attended and that we would have be back to again. It then occurred to me that the baptism had to be done in Massachusetts, there was no way getting around it. And an added bonus- it is a convenient location for both families to attend. A lady who answered the phone at St. Mary's (my first choice) instructed me to write a letter to my local parish to be released and I wrote another letter to Fr. Joyce at Sacred Heart. He literally called me back 2 days later. The US Postal Service means business. He called my mother inquiring about my phone number. I was a little embarrassed by this because I wanted to call him first. We set it up for the following Sunday, baptisms are performed on the first Sunday of every month. So we had another impromptu event in which to invite the family. Everything worked out, it was a nice ceremony and a reception followed at 42 Glory. Lily was the most behaved, though she did have a tiny moment, which quickly ended as it had started at the sight of her bottle. Cousins from Florida that I haven't seen in 6 or 7 years were up visiting so that made it even more special. For the 4th, we brought Lily into DC to see the fireworks. It was a particularly hot day, not as bad as the one spent on the banks of the Potomac in '99, but we were able to find a convenient parking spot next to the Native American Museum, my sister got the quarter, and we sat in the shade on the grass in front of the Capital until the sun started to set. Lily had her 6 month check up this week. 4 more shots, 2 in each thigh. Ouch. After her initial red faced, blood curdling screeching cry, I just talked to her. It was like she understood what I was saying and she calmed down within a couple of minutes. I was calm this time too. The first time she received her inoculations, I cried with her. The second time, I teared. Nothing compared to the time in the hospital when she required an ultrasound to inspect her sacral dimple. She immediately screamed, I cried right along with her. She was scared and I couldn't help her and that was the worst feeling that I have ever felt. 6 months... Hardly believable. It was the beginning of this month last year that I found out that I was 3 months pregnant with her. After that initial ultrasound to determine the extent of my pregnancy, she was this tiny human being, waving at us in one of the pictures. "Here I am mommy and daddy! I can't wait to meet you!" She was merely 12 weeks old, already amazing, already beautiful. When we brought her home on that cold day in January, all she could do was stare at you or cry. When we changed her diaper, she barely moved. Now you can barely get the diaper on before she's flipping over. She's crawling now too, well a sort of speed scooting along on the floor, her little knees red from determination. I'll lay on the floor while she plays with her toys and she'll crawl over to me, trying to pull herself up. When I leave the room for some reason, she tries to follow. She keeps practicing her words, every week it seems to be a new consonant or vowel, as she tries to articulate what happened during her day at Fatma's. What she liked, what she didn't like, what they read, what songs they sang. We've taken her swimming a few times. She is a fish, she loves it. She holds her head up, kicking her feet and waving her arms to stay afloat. She's the cutest little thing. Her face just lights up when she is in the water. Well the winds of change are blowing, stronger than before when I last wrote about them. I felt them coming and now I know why. We still haven't found out where the next duty station will be but we do know it will be by November. I've decided, well I am in the beginning thought process of changing careers, not like I had one to start with. It has become increasingly frustrating at work. I'm not fulfilled, bored, seemingly wasting away. I worked in Fraud a year before I learned everything that I could, switched to Narcotics where surprisingly new things arise every once in a while, but not as frequently as I want. I was accepted into an automated litigation seminar that wanted to take for 2 years. It's 4 days in Columbia, SC. I need challenges, not the kind of challenges the office provides for me, but intellectual challenges. My friend Stacy visited from Arizona earlier this week and the seed that was planted years ago in my head, was given a little something to sprout, by her words of encouragement, which is something that I rarely hear. I'm always told what not to do, or talked out of something that I want or think that I want.
Years ago, the summer after I graduated from college, I was trying to figure out what to do with my Bachelor of Science in Biology and minor in Psychology. At that time I was reading books on alternative medicine and holistic health but had no money or not the best grades, so I thought at the time, to apply to graduate school. I created my resume on monster.com, a head hunter promptly called me and started setting up interviews for positions in research labs. I loved lab work in college, organic chemistry was my favorite but I lacked the ability or maybe the patience at the time to grasp higher levels of calculus and physics. Anyway, my first interview came around and I was sent off to a lab somewhere outside of Boston, where I dreamt of living back in my freshman year at St. Joe's. Well the interview was a flop, an oral final exam of sorts, where the interviewer asked me questions verbatim from my college chemistry textbooks. I was so taken aback, totally unprepared and left bewildered. I prepared myself for questions like, "What one word would you use to describe yourself?" My next interview in Wooburn was much more promising. It was a pharmaceutical research lab, I met the woman that I was going to replace, she was 8 months pregnant and was about to pop, we talked about commutes and where I was going to live. They offered me the position a day later, but I had no money to move and my dad said that I didn't have to move right away, he worked at Adams Cheshire Regional School District and could help me get a teaching position. And I could coach softball, it would be great. Well I was working at the Red Lion Inn at the time, around the clock and geez, 2 years went by and a new idea came to my head. Criminal profiling. I wanted to be an FBI agent. Well I made the move, took the test, started working at the US Attorney's Office, everything seemed to fit and then here I am now. Well during Stacy's visit, my sister also came over, she will be teaching in Randolph, MA this fall, I was inspired. Science teachers are in demand, my specialty. I'm excited about this new venture, thrilled to get back into academia. I've been doing research on certifications, alternative license because I already a degree, but now I have to figure out what state we will be relocated. Variables, variables, variables. I want this to work out so badly, it's almost 4:30 and I'm still awake. It's a perfect fit for me. I want to make a difference, children are the foundation of this country and they need all the attention and resources that they can get if this country is going to succeed in the world, I seek new adventures and challenges, fulfillment. Why I waited so long, well, I needed to accomplish other things first. Having a baby puts life in perspective, I have a clear vision now of goals, small and big, but am able now to organize myself in a way to accomplish them. (fingers are crossed, lots of prayers) So here we go, again...

Tuesday, May 31, 2005

All that glitters has to be, well diamonds right?

I have no milk for my coffee this morning, argh...

Wonderful Memorial Day weekend, just beautiful weather, spending time with family, it doesn't get any better than that, except of course, scratching off a $250 million scratch ticket, that would be a toss up.

We drove up to Herkimer New York by way of Canastota, New York to drop off a hitch hiking uncle and to visit grandma. 10 hours later, we arrive at the KOA to pitch our tent in the dark. First night was spent shivering in the tent with blankets over head. A quick trip to the local downtown Herkimer Walmart Saturday afternoon straightened us right out. Mom also joined us Saturday afternoon, driving over from Mass, bringing gifts of her, now famous outside of our innercircle of family and friends, "Boston" baked beans and chili. No matter who you meet or how long you know them, you mention that you are from Massachusetts and they automatically associate you with Boston. Which is no complaint of mine, love that town.

There were 2 highlights, besides the family time, one of which involved a lazy river and a black inner tube. We were dropped off a couple of miles ahead of our campsite, with the idea that we would float by and everyone could take our picture. There was 4 of us, me, hubby, 2 sophomores in high school. One of which would have a panic attack if we somehow managed to detach from one another. Well it started off nice, the water was a chilling um, 10 below freezing, but the sun was out. It wasn't white knuckle rapids but smooth sailing. All of a sudden we hear a crackle, look over and the top of a tree falls to the ground. Crazy. Continue on, oh look, a beaver house. Great. Aren't they vicious? Don't float to close. Panic boy starts freaking out. The 30 minute lazy river float turned into an hour, where the hell is the campsite, to a hour and a half, where is that freakin bridge we drove over to get here to the 2 hour sun setting panic point, someone get us out of here. Our rescue party came right at that 2 hour mark, I had stopped shivering at that point. Wait, isn't that when hypothermia sets in?

Second highlight was across the street from the campground- The Herkimer Diamond Mines. For a mere $7 you are supplied with the necessary equipment to harvest these jewels. So with our plastic bags and hammers, chisels could be purchased separately for $15-20, we set out for our diamonds. It wasn't a particularly warm day but after 10 minutes of the sun beating down while you kneel on sharp jagged rocks, pounding away at only the most "porous" rocks that the experts suggest into the granules from which they once came, the sweat does indeed start pouring. 5 minutes go by, oh fun, I could do this for hours, 15 minutes go by, damn, where are these freakin diamonds, 30 minutes go by, I have 4 or 5 good size chunks of earth with multiple shimmering indentations. I suggest to hubby that we can take these specimens home, purchase some chisels at Home Depot and extract them. Look over at mom, hammering away, wiping her forward. Sissie had already fallen and cut her leg. Diamond mining is no joke, no wonder they carry such a price tag.

A few more minutes go by and an angel appears out of the haze holding a diamond. "Here ya go." In the palm of her hand was a sparkling wonder, probably about a quarter of a karat. "So that's what we are looking for," I say. "You can have it," she quipped. "I'm Brendaya." She is a 4 year veteran of this very mine, her father was excavating in the adjacent mine, was named after her mother Brenda, they have 2 red/rusty colored horses, one named lady, she plays softball, her sister plays as well, they pitch both fast and slow, she has 3 scars on her forehead, one on her shin, a couple more on her knee, her sister has a good size one above her eye. She then explains to me the secret to finding the diamonds. Sift through the loose gravel and you'll find a ton. Though I didn't find the 2 karat flawless gem I was seeking, I was able to scoop up some nice specs. So it was time to go, at my dismay, and I started planning out another mining excursion around the next day's activities when I overhear a conversation about quartz. Dreams of sugar plums and gumdrops dashed instantly, comparable to the feeling a child experiences when they learn from their first grade comrades that there really isn't a Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy is merely dad putting quarters under your pillow while you sleep, when Dorothy wearily utters, "I don't think that we are in Kansas anymore Toto." The freakin Herkimer diamonds were quartz. Fraud I tell ya, Fraud.

Thursday, May 26, 2005

Home is Where the Heart is

Towards the end of my pregnancy and during maternity leave, I have been reflecting upon the past chapters of my life and pondering of what my life novel will consist. Hence the decision to scribble such random thoughts down in the form of a blog. Oh they will be random and they will be many...

As I was cleaning up after a wonderful Veal Parmesan dinner, that I made, thank you very much, the past came back to me, almost like a haunting. As I sat at the table with my brother, sister, sister-in-law, niece, nephew, husband and daughter in my lap, I began to think about a conversation that we were having before dinner. My brother was remembering a dish that my mother used to make called sukiyaki. (Thank you spell check, I had attempted with a phonetically challenged modification of "suekeyahkey.") I pictured all of us at the table in Pittsfield, Mass.; mom, dad, brother and sister dumping soy sauce on our dinner. More than likely, it was probably a late dinner, after work, games and practices, we all sat at the table, dad asking each one of us how our day was and what was going on at school. Sukiyaki was a welcomed break from some meat and boiled potato ensemble. "Mom, can we have mashed potatoes tonight?" "Oh honey, you can mash them at your plate." "Ahh mom!"

Tonight, was a rare occurrence at our house, well apartment, as we are limited in space and seating capacity, but it was comforting, it was like I was at home, but only for a second. Since my sister has moved down here to my brother's house, we have been gathering together for Sunday dinner over there. Which of course is a blessing that we are all together down here, 3 siblings, one fresh out of college, working for a non-profit in DC, one married with 2 kids and building a second home on Lake Louisa, and of course me a newlywed with a 4 month baby girl. But this arrangement, sadly, will soon be coming to an end, for my sister is moving back up to Boston at the end of the summer and my husband and I are leaving in October/November, whenever we get our orders.

I left Massachusetts 4 years ago in January. How I wanted to leave that freezing hell. Getting up at 5 am, scraping the frozen windshield of my Monte Carlo, speeding to work with no heat, I told myself that it was going to be the last winter. However, one more went by and I packed up my new-to-me silver Jetta and got out of town, cruising on the Turnpike, down on 91, to the NJ Turnpike and then the Beltway. I decided that I would live here for about 2 years or so, apply to the FBI and become a profiler and travel all over the place. I did apply to the FBI, but opted not to retest, I did do some traveling... I moved twice with my brother and his family, I lived with them for 2 years, then I moved into a townhouse with 2 great girls and a strange Lehigh frat boy, and then 2 times after that with my soon to be husband. I am getting to my point right now... I haven't felt at home, like home in Massachusetts home, until tonight for a second, when everyone was gathered at our table, in our apartment.

I feel like I am always waiting for the next move. For example, currently, my socks and underwear are stored in bins. It is really a space issue, if we had more than a one bedroom, I would be able to spread out my possessions. For all intents and purposes, I have never really "unpacked" since I left for college. Then I packed my things in clothes baskets, now I pack my belongings in plastic bins. My sister just invested in some and joked, "Remember Erin's bins?" It's true though, I haven't unpacked. I've just bought more each time I move. And now that I have married a marine, we will be moving a guaranteed 4 more times until his retirement. So that means more bins, bins for him, bins for me, bins for the baby, bins for our other future babies!

So as we all huddled and sat around our small kitchen table eating from pasta filled plates and devouring an entire Carvel ice cream cake, celebrating my husband's birhtday, I decided not to worry about the future or the past, live for the moment and eat up another piece of that cake, because home is where the heart is and the ice cream was melting.

Are we there yet?

Here it is folks, my very first blog. Let me first give a shout out to my husband... Happy Birthday honey! I love you!!! And of course Carrie Underwood! We knew you would be the next American Idol! (Like she is going to be reading this...)

Okay, so the last time I wrote my thoughts down, my diary was stolen from my hiding spot and pages were photocopied. Yup, they were given back. So I figured, let's let the entire world read this one. I have a lot on my mind these days and I'm sure my husband is starting to tune me out and I need to vent...

Actually my reasoning for this blog was to chronicalize (is that a word) the chaotic life of a working mother which was already chaotic before the baby... So offer up suggestions or laugh and cry with me through this new endeavor called motherhood. I'm sure that's not all I'm going to talk about.

The past 4 months have been amazing, I can only imagine what's in store. Let the journey begin...